My top 10 tips for a happy marriage

Another year is passing by and as I grow older, I find myself asking: Why does time have to slip through our fingers so quickly? The truth is that time passes the same now as it did before no matter how old we get. The clock for a ten-year old is no different than for a forty-year old or an eighty-year old…it just seems to pass by more quickly the older you get.

Case in point, marriage. When you marry, it’s unbelievable how quickly time passes by when you’re living a happy and fulfilling life with your soulmate (at least I hope that’s what everyone gets out of marriage).

My husband and I have been blessed with many years together and yet we don’t feel old enough to admit to the number of years we’ve been married. This year, we’re honored to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. Seriously, it’s sometimes hard to believe we’ve hit that milestone!

It doesn’t seem that long ago when we were first dating, just getting to know each other and learning very quickly how much we were meant for each other. Every year we celebrate another anniversary, I feel blessed and very fortunate to have met my soulmate so early in life. I can only hope the same for everyone else out there but for those who haven’t yet met the one…I do believe everyone has someone special waiting in the wings for them. 

When it comes to sharing advice on what makes a marriage last (or any long-term relationship even if it’s not on paper), advice can vary based on the relationship and personalities, I think, but generally speaking, there are many different aspects to what makes a great marriage. I thought I’d share my input based on what I’ve learned over the years with my top ten tips on what makes a happy marriage:

1. Love   

Of course, love is a given, but it’s important and has to start the list.

Love one another and you will be happy.  It’s as simple and as difficult as that. 

~Michael Leunig~

2. Friendship 

Honestly, friendship could also start the list because sometimes couples start out as friends only to later find love. Either way, friendship is a must.

Even if you love someone, it isn’t much fun to spend time with them if you aren’t also best friends, with common interests. Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things. 

~Author Unknown~

3. Respect and Appreciation 

You’d think respect and appreciate are obvious, but too often either or both are sadly lacking.

If you don’t show respect and appreciate the person who is supposed to be your “better half,” what does that say about your marriage as a whole?  Don’t be yourself – be someone a little nicer. 

~Mignon McLaughlin~

4. Give each other space…

Every couple should give the other space when it comes to separate interests. I love to write, I have multiple hobbies and I enjoy having coffee or dinner with a friend. My husband likes to play basketball (pre-surgery anyway), golf and play poker with his friends. While we could probably spend 24/7 together and be happy, it’s always good to have at least some sort of separation so you can appreciate your time together that much more.

To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule. 

~Marnie Reed Crowell~

5. But make time for quality time

Every couple has to work on scheduling those date nights…or date weekends…or whatever works for them. Don’t put off time together because of the kids, or work or money. Whether it’s a couple of hours, a long weekend or a whole week, every couple needs to spend quality time together. Or rather, they need to make good on their QTR…quality time remaining (term coined by entrepreneur, H. Wayne Huizenga) and always remember to enjoy every minute they’re able to steal away together. When couples don’t make good on their alone time, they are no doubt surprised years later when they realize they don’t really know the person they’re staring at across the kitchen table. 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 

~Mignon McLaughlin~

6. Trust

Trust is earned and is something you really don’t want to lose when it comes to marriage. It’s right up there with love and friendship because a relationship really can’t go anywhere without it.

Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.

~Julianne Moore~

7. Passion

It goes without saying that passion can fizzle, but it doesn’t have to. Continue to put in the same effort it took to win your partner over in the first place, and treat them like they are extraordinary, because they are if you define them as your soulmate and they are the other half that makes you whole.

Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.

~Oscar Wilde~

8. Forgiveness

We all make mistakes, there is no doubt. But relationships grow stronger when partners are understanding of that fact and who have the ability and the willingness to forgive the other.

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.

~Bryant H. McGill~

9. Communication & Kindness

I don’t believe any of these tips will work without good communication, so never stop sharing your dreams and fears with each other, expressing your thoughts or voicing what you want in the relationship. Also, be kind with each other. We all have our bad days, and sometimes it’s easier to take our frustration out on those closest to us but really, they don’t deserve it. Use them as a sounding board, rather than a dart board.

Love without conversation is impossible.

~Mortimer Adler~

10. Laughter

Enjoy the good times, support each other during the bad, but always find time to laugh. Life is so extremely serious sometimes and laughter, besides all the many health benefits it provides us, is one form of stress-relief we can enjoy and bond over together for free.

Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight. 

~Phyllis Diller~

A man in love is incomplete until he has married.  Then he’s finished. 

~Zsa Zsa Gabor~

So there’s my 10-step recipe for a good marriage. This has worked for us and it’s what my husband and I will preserve as we continue to celebrate each year together, and as we try to live according to these wise words:

Our wedding was many years ago.  The celebration continues to this day. 

~Gene Perret~