book clubs,  feelings and fears,  motivation

What I would say to my teenage-self

March 3, 2021

If you’re like me, in the 50-something age bracket, you’ll know what I mean when I say as I get older I tend to let the ages blur together so that I forget how old I am. It’s not just that I forget; I really don’t care as much because age is just a number.

My teenage-self would beg to differ

It’s much different than when I was younger and there were so many birthdays that meant something: when I was 16 I could drive, at 18 I was a legal adult, at 21 I could legally drink, and when I was 25 I believed I was finally old enough for others to begin to take me seriously. 

Age is just a number, right?

During the spring and summer seasons of our lives, our actual age means more. But during the fall and winter seasons of our lives, it’s more about how old you feel rather than how old you are.

Or that’s what we tell ourselves anyway. 

For the most part, I think it’s a pretty good mentality to have as we continue to age. Aging can be difficult enough, especially if choices made in our younger years affect our elder selves.

Years ago I attended a book club meeting with what’s been one of the best groups I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. During this meeting, where the group and I were discussing my books, one of the last questions asked of me was this:

If I could give my 14-year-old self some advice, what would it be?

At first, I thought the question was directed at what I would say to a teen about writing at a young age. But this particular book club member wasn’t letting me off that easy. She specifically wanted to know what I would tell myself, not as a potential writer, but as a teen in the middle of all that my young life had bestowed on me and in preparation for the future.

I answered her question from the heart based on our current conversation, but I wanted to elaborate on what I would say to my teen self, and other young adults, as they attempt to figure out where they fit in this beautiful, but sometimes awful world, while doing their best to live an authentic and fulfilling life.

And here’s what I would say:

  • Learn to trust yourself and who you are as a person and be your authentic self – truly believe in yourself and what you’re capable of and always remember you are stronger than you think.
  • Listen to your gut instinct – we all have one, but we don’t always listen to what it has to say.
  • Learn who to trust; keep those in your life who bring out the good in you. Limit giving too much of yourself to emotional vampires…others who only take from you.
  • If someone has hurt you, whether physically, mentally or emotionally, knowingly or possibly unknowingly, or they have betrayed your trust in some way, try to avoid letting that pain and distrust completely define you.
  • As hard as it may be, work on learning to forgive the person, or the circumstances which caused that person to cause you pain, because the sooner you can forgive and move away from that place in your head, the sooner you can learn to trust others as you form new relationships throughout your life.
  • If you believe in serendipity (an accidental discovery that is actually fortunate), then you may also believe there are some people who we are meant to meet at some point in our lives. Avoid letting your past completely define you, or learn to forgive and let go, so that when you meet someone special who is destined to be in your life, you’ll be open to form a new relationship without the baggage of distrust or self-doubt.   
  • Don’t take the blame for the actions of others. And don’t fall into the trap of wondering what you could have done, what you could do, or what you should do to make someone else change for the better…it’s not your job to change them.
  • Don’t tell yourself you’re not good enough or that you deserve the difficult times you’re going through…tell your inner critic to go jump in a lake!
  • Don’t let the mood you wake up with define what sort of day you’re going to have.
  • Remember that you’ll never make everyone happy, it’s just not possible. Your life shouldn’t be about making everyone happy – that is not your purpose.
  • It may take time but try to find your purpose – what are you passionate about…what feeds your soul. What gifts do you have that you were you meant to share? You have gifts to share; you just need to acknowledge them and share them willingly. Discover your purpose so that you can enjoy the life you were meant to live and remember to savor each precious moment of the life you’ve been given.

Would my teenage self listen to advice from my older self if ever given this opportunity? I really can’t say. As teens, we tend to have this strange notion that we already know everything. It would be interesting to know how things may have changed had I known then what I know now.

Then again, I am the person I am today because of my experiences in the past. While I may not have been able to proclaim this truth as a teen, my adult self can honestly say: I’m living my authentic life and I like who I am.

No matter what age you are, I hope you can say the same.