30 questions to ask your aging family members today!

Coincidences are funny things. I bring that up only because the post I’m sharing today was an intended topic when I prepared my editorial calendar at the end of last year, but before I knew I’d be losing not one, but two grandparents in the space of less than four months.

Grandparents and other aging family members have a wealth of stories but oftentimes they don’t get to share them, other than snippets here and there during dinner conversations or family gatherings. Family members don’t always make an attempt to take an interest in what their elders have lived through during the course of their lives. Sadly, I see more disinterest as the generation gaps widen. Even if family members visit with aging relatives, they’re too busy to invest in deeper conversations. Or they believe there’s always going to be another day…another month…or another year when they can make that life recording, fill out that legacy journal, go through old photos to identify unknown relatives of the past or even help write that memoir.

Grandparents were young once

I remember my paternal grandfather telling us stories about serving in WWII and my maternal grandfather sharing about his experience as a street corner preacher. But can I give you more specific details? Sadly, no. I was much younger when I heard the stories and never thought to write them down. Although I do remember my paternal grandfather telling us how he used his war helmet for multiple purposes…like eating and shaving out of. That little tidbit stuck with me visually. When my maternal grandfather was only days from passing, I sat with him while he told me stories about when he and my grandmother were young that I’d never heard before. I wrote down some of what he told me but if I’d had more time with him I would have enjoyed hearing more of those stories about their younger days.

Later is better than never, but sooner than later is still key

At the end of October last year, we lost my step-grandfather but I was fortunate to have been able to spend a lot of time with him during the year leading up to his passing. It was also a blessing to be there for him during what turned out to be a very difficult year after Covid shut down businesses and eliminated his ability to get out and take part in his favorite pastime. He was 92 when the pandemic changed our daily lives and until then he’d been bowling four days a week. He was more active than most men half his age! I took advantage of the extra time I had with him and when he shared stories about his past that I’d never heard before, you can bet I wrote them down.

Last week we lost my paternal grandmother…my last grandparent out of the six I grew up with. She was 91 years old and we were very close and I miss her dearly but I was fortunate to have spent so much time with her over the years. Admittedly, that fact makes it harder, because she had been such a constant in my life. My grandmother was a beautiful soul; a unique and unstoppable woman and I dedicated my nonfiction book to her because of that fact. I wish I had been able to hear more stories from her to add to my journal, but dementia took that ability away from me long before her passing.

So, dear reader, take heart in what I’m sharing with you.

We are not always lucky enough to have family members reach the age of 90+ and thereby giving us more time to hear stories about their younger years and what they lived through. Most aging family members would take the time to share, if given the chance. They are full of stories and we can learn from them. Or understand them better based on what they’ve gone through, or maybe learn how much more we are like them than we realized.

Once they are gone, the stories are gone too.

I’d like to offer how you might learn more about your aging relatives, and your family history for that matter. Here’s a list of 30 questions that will start the conversation and give you insight into their lives:

1. Were you named after someone or did you have a nickname growing up?
2. What’s your first memory of the house you lived in as a child?
3. Do you have a favorite childhood memory?
4. How would you describe your parents when you were a child?
5. How would you describe your parents when you were an adult?
6. What did your parents do for work?
7. What’s your favorite memory about your parents?
8. Did you know or do you remember anything about your grandparents and if so, what are your favorite memories about them?
9. Who was your best friend as a child and why did you lose contact if they are no longer a part of your life?
10. Where did you go to school throughout your childhood until high school?
11. What did you do as fun at home when you were a child?
12. What was it like growing up as a teenager where you lived?
13. Do you remember the first job you ever had? What’s the favorite job you’ve ever had?
14. Did you travel as a child or teenager? If so, where did you visit and why?
15. Did you go to college? If so, where, for what degree, what was it like and did you enjoy it?
16. When and with who was your first date and what was it like?
17. When and how did you meet your spouse?
18. How did you become engaged?
19. When and where did you get married and what memories do you have about your wedding day?
20. Did you go on a honeymoon? If so, where and what was it like?
21. What memories do you have of the first years of your marriage?
22. What jobs did you and/or your spouse hold during your marriage?
23. Were you or your spouse in the service and was it during a war? If so, how did it affect the way you lived and what was it like if you were also raising children?
24. Did you travel during your marriage? If so, where did you visit and why?
25. How many residences have you had during your lifetime, where were they located, and which was your favorite?
26. What historical events do you recall happening during your lifetime and what memories do you have about how you or your family lived through them?
27. Who would you describe as your best friend(s) throughout your adult life?
28. What are some of your most memorable experiences as an adult?
29. If you could, is there a wish/dream/hobby/experience you would like to accomplish that you’ve put off for one reason or another?
30. What advice would you give to the younger generation based on what you’ve learned throughout your lifetime?

Some family members may believe they have no stories to tell…

…that their lives aren’t worth memorializing. But once you begin probing, the flood gates might open to offer much more than you both realized was possible. Reach out and sit with your aging family members. Ask them questions to learn more about them and their past before those stories are gone.

I believe they’ll enjoy sharing the stories and I’m certain you’ll enjoy hearing them.